When life sends you lessons - you have to do the work
After living a whole lifetime knowing I was ‘different’, I concluded quite early on that I must be an empath. This seemed to be the most logical answer and seemed to be supported by other people’s opinions of me too, and I resonated a lot with things I read so I felt it must be true.
It’s well documented that empaths are highly sensitive, kind people who attract people who need help; and yes, that's what was happening to me. The one person who needed to offload their life story seems to find me, wherever I am, on a bus or on a sunbed, that person sat next to me!
I have worn this identity like a badge of honour; it was a good thing, it meant that I was a nice person, one that was kind and helped and not the interfering social worker I had been called in my youth (sorry to social workers, this was not my perception!) I genuinely just wanted to help, and it seemed that I could see beyond the situation, and what was being said and understand the complexities of how emotions evolved. My empathic gift I thought! But learned early on that not everyone wants to hear the truth about their emotions or what might help, even if they are asking!
As an empath there were lots of other people like me too, there are books, podcasts, and groups where I could belong! I have always struggled finding that felt sense of belonging; for many years I felt like I wasn’t living my own life as I just didn’t seem to fit in anywhere, even in my own family. I wasn’t seen as the person I am, and this caused me to adapt who I really was and become what other people needed me to be. I was really good at it! Well, my life depended on it! But this was painful as I felt the shame of not being ‘right’ deep in my core.
So, I surrounded myself with empaths, a lot of them also spiritual and I quickly aligned myself to this way of being. This is how I wanted to be seen and was a lovely place to be, I have some amazing empath friends and felt a part of their tribe. But more recently I became aware that most of my ‘tribe’ cry a lot, and me, well not so much! If truth be told, I hadn't really taken on board that was a critical part of being an empath, prob because it suited me, maybe ignorance was bliss after all!
The Truth Can Really Hurt
Anyway, a very candid and trusted friend pointed out very casually that the reason I don't need to cry so much is that I don't absorb the emotions of others as wasn’t an empath! I'm not going to lie it caused me to faulter, in that moment I fell into a black hole, felt kicked out, exposed, a fraud an imposter, angry and lost, all at the same time.
The sense of loss was real, as if I wasn't an empath, then what was I! I felt abandoned and the familiar childhood feelings of being alone and not fitting in came flooding back. Instinctively and frantically I searched …
…. 'am I an Empath?'
· Have you been labelled as over emotional our hyper sensitive?
· Do you feel the feelings of others as if they are your own?
· Do you get emotionally drained if you’re with people in a crowed place?
· Are you very caring and want to help, but offer to help even when you feel tired?
…. Am I an Empath? No, that's not me!
…. I was keen to know what this now made me, I typed 'does that mean I am Lightworker?' (another term I had heard connected to empaths)
A Lightworker is here to help transmute the darkness into light.
· Have you come to understand that challenges are not meant to break you?
· Are you highly sensitive and empathic person?
· Do you believe that life is a spiritual journey of learning, growing, and transforming?
· You possess a high level of self-awareness – which can often feel painful!
… Am I a Light Worker? Maybe?
There were so many terminologies for people who felt a little different, Lightworker, HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) ESP (Extra Sensory Perception), Empath (or not as the case may be!) A design your own persona from a pick and mix of traits all of which all seemed to overlap and confuse me even more.
Doing The Work
So, I pulled up my big girl pants and reminded myself that I am an adult, and I totally need to practice what I preach, so:
· instead of recoiling, pretending to be someone I’m not or making myself as small as possible so no one would notice me (old patterns of behaviours),
· or thinking I was worthless, in everyone’s way or alone because I wasn’t the same as others (old patterns of thinking),
· or rush to the shop for chocolate and treats (old coping mechanism);
… I decided to explore my own strengths and sense of purpose and acknowledge that I didn’t need a title/label, no matter how apt. It was time to step away from my comfort blanket of belonging to the group I called ‘empaths’ (even if it was a fake one!)
I looked a bit closer to home. My astrological birth chart holds a lot of information about who I am
and is more personal than the vast number of websites and articles I have read.
My moon is in Libra an air sign, and with great authority I've been told that because of this, I am highly emotionally intelligent, and I can see emotion and disperse it rather than absorb it (so I’m not an empath - makes sense now!). I also have a grand water trine in my chart, which kind of makes emotion my superpower! The grand trine enables me to be incredibly emotionally empathic. (thank you www.Emmagholamhossein.com!) This is me!
Learning The Lesson
So I guess its time to let go of my unconsciously driven need to belong to something with a label and step more fully into my authenticity. I am Lynne Jones and I believe that life gives you lessons in the moment you need them, it also brings you the people you need to make sense of those lessons (big shout out for my teachers along the way!).
But at the end of the day, we are all on our own, and it’s what we do with those lessons that matter.
If you are looking for direction and support to help you find your way out of the maze of life experiences, or want to find a way of the hamster wheel you find yourself on, get in touch. I will hold space for you to be safe with your emotions and share the light of my experience to help you along your way.
Lynne
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